Taproot Psychology

Many people who enquire about Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT) do so because relationships feel like the hardest part of life. You might notice that you’re often misunderstood or misread, and that this sometimes feels linked to who you are — your gender, age, race, culture, sexuality, neurodiversity, or life experiences.

Over time, it can start to feel as though you are the problem — even when you’re trying hard to understand yourself and others. MBT begins from a different place. It doesn’t assume there is something wrong with you. Instead, it’s interested in what happens to understanding when emotions and relationships become intense.

Whether you are looking for therapy in Manchester or accessing online therapy from the comfort of your own space, MBT offers a framework to explore these dynamics without judgment.

Feeling Misunderstood Without Being “the Problem”

If you’ve often felt misjudged or misread, especially in ways that seem connected to identity or difference, MBT takes that seriously. It recognises that understanding between people doesn’t break down because someone is failing — it breaks down when emotional pressure, threat, or misunderstanding overwhelms the mind’s ability to stay curious.

In MBT, this is not treated as a flaw in you. It’s understood as a temporary loss of the ability to hold your own perspective and someone else’s at the same time. Therapy focuses on restoring that capacity, gently and collaboratively, without blame or correction.

Different Levels of Difficulty, the Same Core Focus

Many people worry that their struggles are inconsistent — that sometimes they’re “just confused,” while at other times emotions feel overwhelming or unstable. MBT is designed with this in mind and aligns closely with trauma-informed working, recognising that past experiences shape how we react in the present.

You might experience:

• Distance, confusion, or misunderstanding in relationships.
• Emotional intensity that feels sudden or hard to explain.
• Periods of shutdown, dissociation, or masking.
• Moments of self-harm or thoughts about not wanting to be here.

MBT doesn’t separate these into different problems. It sees them as connected experiences that arise when emotional and relational pressure makes thinking harder. The work stays focused on understanding what was happening in those moments — not on managing or fixing you.

When Relationships Feel Unsafe or Intense

For many people, relationships trigger the strongest reactions. You might feel close one moment and distant the next, or find yourself reacting in ways you don’t fully understand.

MBT understands this through the lens of attachment. When relationships feel unsafe, unpredictable, or emotionally charged, the mind can shift into more rigid ways of thinking. Assumptions feel certain, emotions feel absolute, and misunderstandings escalate quickly.

Rather than simply analysing your past or telling you how to behave differently, MBT focuses on what happens in the present moment, especially when emotions rise and understanding narrows. Whether we are meeting for face-to-face therapy in Manchester or connecting via online therapy, this approach helps make relationships feel less overwhelming and more understandable over time.

Neurodiversity and Difference Are Taken Seriously

If you’re neurodivergent, or if you don’t process emotions or social situations in typical ways, MBT does not expect you to adapt to a particular way of thinking or communicating.

Mentalising is not about being emotionally articulate or insightful. It’s about noticing what’s happening — including confusion, uncertainty, bodily sensations, or silence. Individual MBT adapts to how you experience the world, rather than asking you to change how your mind works.

Shutdown, Dissociation, and Self-Harm

When emotions become overwhelming, you might shut down, dissociate, mask, or hurt yourself. A key aspect of trauma-informed working within MBT is that we do not view these responses as behaviours that need to be simply controlled or replaced. They are understood as survival responses that occur when the mind becomes overloaded and meaning breaks down.

The therapy focuses on understanding what was happening just before that point — emotionally and relationally — and how the collapse in thinking occurred. Over time, this can make these moments less frightening and less abrupt, because they start to make sense.

When Words Don’t Come Easily

Many people worry that therapy will expect them to explain feelings they don’t fully understand or can’t easily put into words. In MBT, this difficulty is part of the work, not an obstacle to it.

Sessions often involve slowing things down, noticing uncertainty, and staying with not-knowing together. You are not expected to describe emotions “properly” or make sense quickly. The therapist stays alongside you, curious rather than interpretive.

Power, Difference, and Safety in Therapy

If you’ve had experiences where power, difference, or discrimination affected how safe you felt with professionals, MBT explicitly attends to this. The therapist takes a not-knowing stance, meaning they don’t assume they understand your experience better than you do.

Misunderstandings are expected and talked about openly. When things feel tense, misaligned, or uncomfortable in therapy, that becomes part of the work — approached carefully, respectfully, and with attention to power and difference.

Curiosity Without Losing Safety

MBT values curiosity and uncertainty, but this doesn’t mean being left alone with difficult questions. Curiosity is held within a stable therapeutic relationship, where uncertainty can be shared rather than overwhelming. Over time, this can make emotional uncertainty feel less threatening and allow more flexibility in how you understand yourself and others.

If You’re Worried About Being Judged or Changed

If you’re concerned that therapy might ask you to explain or defend your identity, or make you feel “wrong” for how you think or relate, MBT aims to do the opposite.

MBT is not about changing who you are. It’s about understanding how your mind works in relationships, especially when emotions run high. Any change that happens comes through increased understanding, not instruction or correction.

A Final Thought

You don’t need to be sure that MBT is right for you. Many people begin therapy feeling uncertain, wary, or tired of trying to make sense of themselves alone.

Whether you are looking for local support through therapy in Manchester or the flexibility of online therapy, individual MBT offers a space where confusion is allowed, difference is taken seriously, and understanding comes before change. If these questions resonate, MBT may offer a way of beginning — gently, at your pace, and together.

At Taproot, our trauma therapy Annabelle Stephensonoffers MBT. You can read more about her here or contact us to arrange a time to speak to her.